


Forbidden

by natimesia



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-29
Updated: 2017-05-29
Packaged: 2018-11-06 04:46:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11028909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/natimesia/pseuds/natimesia
Summary: This is where the story starts. It would be a love story – but let’s face it, it’s not. No, this is never meant to be a love story. It could never have been. Though, it was beautiful while it lasted. The simple fact is here: forbidden.His name is Louis. This is a story of boy meets boy.





	Forbidden

Louis’ date is late.

He tries not to let it get him down too much which is kind of hard considering that it is his very first date since he came out a week ago. Louis looks at his watch (for the nth time) and speculate that maybe it has malfunctioned (For the nth time, too.) He knows deep inside it didn’t because the wall clock across the restaurant says so - it flashes the same time his watch does: 8:20. They had agreed to meet at eight in the evening and it is already 8:20. Twenty minutes. Oh, God . . .

Is he being ditched on his first date?

But then, thinking about it, he’d rather spend his time in a full-house café alone rather than where he was half an hour ago, which was in Zayn’s apartment. He had decided to pay his brother a visit the moment he realized he was an hour early for the date. Louis found him focused on playing Xbox in his living room when he arrived, and without any further greetings, he told (Zayn likes commanding people) Louis to join him. He complied since he needed something to buy him some time. All was good for the first few minutes, but then things ended up being very awkward.

No-Filter Niall (Louis calls him No-Filter Niall because he has Asperger’s), Zayn’s self-proclaimed badass (but a pure softy on the inside) friend, had shown up and thrown his controller at Louis when he kicked his ass at Madden, and the next thing he knew, it was all silence and they were all just kind of sitting on Zayn’s plush couch. Awkwardly. So, so awkwardly. Louis was sure things couldn’t get more awkward. 

The thing is, No-Filter Niall is Zayn’s best friend but not Louis’. They are acquainted but not really that close. Basically, their friendship is composed of ‘’Sup, bro?’ ‘Nothing much. Z’s in his room.’ ‘Cool. See ya around.’ ‘Cool.’. Louis knows they couldn’t make conversations with him still in there and he couldn’t make small talks even if his life depended on it, so it was all pure, agonizing silence. But then – 

“So. Gay sex.” Of course, it was No-Filter Niall who had blurted that out as if he was talking about the most recent American Idol episode. Louis knew right then and there that it was his time to go. So, Louis left. And now here he is. And it’s already 8:23 in the evening. And he is still alone.

Louis starts thinking that it’s just right to give give an ultimatum. 8:30 PM. Seven more minutes. That’s probably enough to prove that he is not an impatient person. (And who the hell waits half an hour for the first date, anyway? Louis, that’s who.) (The nobility of waiting for an hour or two only happens in movies.)

It’s not like he’s expecting anything other than dinner, anyway. He’s not the commitment type of guy, to be honest. Louis thinks being committed to someone is overrated. The thing is, women are not the only one who enjoys being free and independent. Besides, he just came out a week ago. He has lots of time to explore. He is not someone who rushes into things. Louis intends to save the serious stuff for later. The purpose of this date is solely for sheer fun.

Moreover, Louis has never met the guy personally. Meeting him was something unexpected. He was basically bored one night and decided to try this online dating site Tindr that a friend once mentioned. He came across his profile, and then suddenly, messages were exchanged and things got a bit interesting. After a month full of fascinating conversations, Louis finally asked him to meet up last night. And he agreed. They both decided the time and the date. He sounded eager, even. (Or that’s what Louis has assumed since he used a couple of exclamation marks.)

So, why is he still alone?

Louis has seen him. Or him in his tiny profile picture. Anyway, Louis has learned that he has the habit of staring at the small black and white profile picture every time they chat. He wasn’t smiling in that picture, and maybe that’s one reason why Louis is not that nervous if ever he doesn’t come. Louis never has types, but he’d be lying if he says he doesn’t prefer smiley people than poker faced ones. A person who smiles occasionally sends off good vibes that Louis likes, although he has never seen a smile that could light up the entire east coast. He has always dreamed to see a smile that could light up the entire east coast.

So, yes, Louis certainly do not expect anything.

And now it’s 8:30 in the evening. With a sigh, Louis knows that that’s his cue to-

“I’d tell you the truth why I’m late, but I don’t think you’ll believe me.” 

The thing is, Louis has never heard his voice. Tindr doesn’t allow voice messages. But still, he smiles. Suddenly, he just knows it is him. And when Louis turns around, it is him, and he’s there behind him, and he’s panting and sweating, but he’s there. Louis never got the chance to ask what the truth is because he is showing off that smile.

That broad one that lights up the entirety of the east coast.

~

The dinner is great. The conversations are greater.

Weird is one word. Deviant is another. Louis has decided that Harry – ‘Harry, as in short for Harold?’ ‘Nope, Harry, as in just Harry,’ he typed. ‘But if it counts, my mum was –still is - in love with the guy who played Harry in When Harry Met Sally.’ - is deviant. Apparently, he’s not interested about the things that are usually talked about on the first date. Louis has noticed that he doesn’t speak about family backgrounds. (He’s persistent to find out why next time.) (If there is next time.) Thinking about it now, Louis has realized it never came out of their conversations even before when he was still inside his computer as harrystyles. Instead, they talk about what he does and what Louis does and what he wants and what Louis wants and it’s all very personal but he’s quite relishing. Louis finds it thrilling, going on a date with someone without knowing his whole background.

At one point, Louis finds himself having the guts to ask other personal stuffs. He says he was exiled (Harry’s actual words) to America for something that he had done in the past. “I was never the good son,” is what he says. Louis nods because he thinks it’s more appropriate than asking him to elaborate his statement further.

“Partners?” Harry has asked. Louis finds it strange that he asks such a thing. They’re on a date. They met on an online dating site, for heaven’s sake. Aren’t they supposed to be singles? 

Louis answers anyway. “None.” 

Louis tells him about his perspective on relationships and commitments. He notices Harry’s mouth twitching as he speaks further. When Louis finished, Harry tells him he too doesn’t do commitments. 

At some point, they just stare into each other’s’ knowing eyes. Then Louis excuses himself to the restroom.

It isn’t really a surprise when Harry follows two minutes later.

~

So, Harry and Louis has a deal and it went on like this: 

Harry: So . . .

Louis: So . . .

Harry: Okay. This is bullshit. We don’t have to have the awkward morning after cliché. Since we established the whole no commitment thing, I think it’s safe to say that I liked what happened last night and I’m not ashamed saying that I want to do it again.

Louis: Okay, but we have to establish some ground rules before we proceed.

Harry: Sure. Well, okay, first and foremost, no acting like a couple. No fighting, no jealousy, no fondly looking at each other’s’ eyes. That’ll be weird.

Louis: Fine. Second, it doesn’t mean that just because we’re in this agreement, we will not be aware of each other’s wishes and boundaries. Also, respect.

Harry: Fairly reasonable. Third, no naming each other’s penis.

Louis: Surely that’s just a rule of life and not just a rule for us. (With a look.)

Harry: Yeah, but I can’t think of another rule.

Louis: We could have only two rules.

Harry: We could not possibly have two rules, Louis. (With a scandalized look on his face.) That’s ridiculous.

Louis: You’re ridiculous. So, should we shake on it?

And they did.

As Louis leaves Harry’s apartment, the first person he thought of seeing is Liam. Out of all people, Louis truly believes he understands him best. Liam is his cousin. He is also gay. Louis has known his experiences ever since he came out three years ago. Sometimes Liam knows Louis more than he knows himself. Liam is his alter-ego. People say they look alike and think alike so much it borderlines on creepy. 

But . . . Liam? Sure, he’s gay, and sure, he’s Louis’ cousin, but Liam’s too close to him. Disappointing him is the least thing Louis want to do. Also, he knows that Liam has got a lot going on in his plate at the moment. He starts thinking that maybe he shouldn’t have told him what he said about his dad reconnecting himself to Liam through Louis, but then quickly takes it back. Louis know what Liam’s relationship with his dad has become and he knows Geoff is trying to fix what is left of the scarred relationship between the both of them. His dad is struggling and Liam needs to know that. That’s the only way to finally fix everything up.

Louis is quite thankful that his dad is nothing like that. Ever since he came out a week ago, nothing seems to change with the dynamic of their relationship. He knows it was (still is, probably) weird for Mark knowing that his straight son for twenty-five years now plays for the other team, but at least he knows what Louis truly is and as what he had said to Liam, it sure does feel a lot lighter.

And for Louis’ mom? He thinks he’ll just let her be. Louis is not going to convince her and force her to accept who Louis is. He knows that he has done his part. He has done everything he can to be the man she raised him to be, but for some reason, at the end of the day, she’s still disappointed because despite all of that, she only sees Louis as one thing: an abomination. He’s not asking her to buy a rainbow flag for the front porch or go out in the streets and start campaigning for gay rights. He is going to be mature about it, and so should she. Louis will just leave it to time to enlighten her mind about his quote unquote anomalous lifestyle.

Louis remembers what Liam told him last night when he informed him that he’s got a date. (God, was it really just last night?) He told Louis not to fall in love. Louis almost laughed at him, because, love? He’s not that dense. He may be new with this, but he knows things.

Liam also told him to be safe. Louis mentally and physically cringed. That makes him cross Liam’s name in the list stat. He knows Liam won’t judge him – Liam’s never judgmental and Louis’ quite certain that he’s better than that - but he still doesn’t want Liam to think that he can’t stand up to his own words. That makes Louis wonder if he’s the judgmental one.

~

As it turns out, it is No-Filter Niall who Louis has told.

It was purely accidental, to be honest. Zayn invited Louis over in his apartment for a couple of beers and who was Louis to decline? It doesn’t come out as a shock when Louis found No-Filter Niall there, too. A couple of beers later with Zayn already passed out on the floor, Niall with his inquisitive and no-filter mouth started asking questions about Louis’ whole new sexuality. And just like that, he blurted everything out. (Undetailed, of course.) He doesn’t know why he did, but he is badly in need of other opinions even if it comes from someone like No-Filter Niall. (Louis guesses he should stop saying No-Filter Niall in his head if they’ll continue this budding relationship.) 

Louis must say that he underestimated Niall. It surprises him how knowledgeable Niall is about these kinds of things. Apparently, his friends call him the ‘FUBU King”. Louis just nods in hopes that it appears he knows what FUBU means. 

At one point, Niall asks him, “How do you know that you like sucking dicks?” He looks so serious that Louis refused complying with his first instinct which is to strangle him.

Okay Louis. Calm down. Asperger’s, remember? Niall has Asperger’s. That’s why you call him No-Filter Niall in the first place. You don’t call people No-Filter for no reason.

“Well Niall,” Louis says, “A life unexamined is a life not worth living.” Thank God for Socrates.

“So, you explored,” he says tentatively.

“As a matter of fact, I did.” Before he can speak, Louis adds, “Do. Not. Ask. How.”

Niall goes silent for a minute.

“Do you think I should . . . explore too?” It was so soft Louis barely heard him. And he wish he didn’t. Louis looks at Niall. He is dead serious. Well, shit.

“I’m gonna throw the question back at you, bud,” Louis says as he barely contains his voice from cracking. “Do you think you should explore?”

“How the fuck will I know?” 

Louis nods. “Okay. Fair question.” He pauses. “Well, are you contented? With your, er, activities?”

“I am, but what if I want more?”

“Well that’s stupid,” Louis downright says. “You couldn’t not know if you want more or not. It’s a matter of wanting and not wanting things.”

“But-”

“Okay, hold up.” Louis simply cannot believe this is actually happening. “You said you’re contented, right? So let’s just stop there, okay bud?”

Niall’s face scrunches and then frowns. “Why don’t you seem okay with me exploring? Do you think you’re turning me into gay? Because Louis, I don’t just go with the flow. It’s not like I suddenly want to suck dicks just because my friend likes to.”

Louis mentally winces. Asperger’s. Asperger’s. Asperger’s. “That’s not the point,” Louis says. “It’s your choice, not mine. I’m just looking out for you. There are certain . . . risks.”

“Like STDs,” he says matter-of-factly.

Jesus.

“That too, but what I am actually pertaining to is your pride and dignity. You must think this thoroughly because you might head into the wrong direction and after you explore, you might realize you don’t actually want this. But then again, there’s nothing wrong with exploring. That is if you’re brave enough to face the aftershock.”

Niall is again silent for a minute, and then – 

“You’re a good friend, Louis,” he slurs.

Louis smiles. “I know.”

“One last question, though.”

“Ask away.”

“How did you know you like it in the ass?”

This time, Louis does strangle him.

“Ow! Jesus, it’s a joke, not a dick. Don’t take it too hard!” Louis hits him again. Harder. “You did not just used Jesus and dick in one sentence,” Louis slurs. And he hits him again before Louis fully passed out.

~

The thing is, Harry never tells Louis anything about him, but Louis prides himself on being an observant person so technically, he knows a lot about Harry and he says that in the most non-creepy way. 

One thing Louis knows is that Harry never laughs. Harry’s mouth makes this weird twitching thing whenever something funny comes up, but he never laughs. Another is that he blushes quite a lot . . . and that is odd for a guy who has a dirty mind (trust Louis, he knows) that could probably recite the Kama Sutra front ways and back. Harry has a mouth like a sailor. Louis has learned that after the first night of their . . . adventures in bed. Strings of profanities sporadically come out of his mouth. And by George, it was goddamn arousing. 

Harry practically oozes the bad boy vibe. Enigmatic, intimidating, mysterious. He is like a dark version of the Power Puff Girls, all sugar, spice BUT everything bad. (Now Louis’ talking out of his ass.)

As it turns out, Louis is not the only observant one in this thing they have. (Louis used the term ‘thing’ because Harry and Louis are not in a relationship. Absolutely not.) He notices things nobody ever notices. (That’s Harry and his weird relationship with weird.) Once, after an eventful time in bed, he asked Louis why, unlike him, Louis in fact never speaks bad words.

“Living out of the stereotype gay? What a rebel,” Harry had teased.

“I never swear,” Louis had told him.

“Never?”

Louis gives it a thought, and then had said, “Well, on special occasions, I do.” He asked him what kind of special occasion and Louis had answered, “Well I’d tell you.” He let the sentence hang there.

“But? I sense a but coming here.” And the smug bastard that Harry is added, “No pun intended, or course.”

“But I’d have to kill you.”

Harry had told Louis he was full of bull, and Louis said he was not. Harry insisted that Louis was and said that what Louis was saying was plain crazy. He continued by saying Louis only speak swear words on his birthday and Louis had told him that his birthday is not a special occasion, because it’s true. It isn’t.

“Another reason why you speak bull,” he had said.

Louis rolls his eyes and said, “Yes, because bull is my vocabulary.”

Silence.

He then touches Louis’ legs.

“What kind of special occasions, then?” And then he added, “This, right now, could be a special occasion.”

“How so? We’re in bed. Stark naked. This is not my kind of special occasion. I’m not some kind of floozy,” Louis had joked.

“Well, what if I do this?”

His hands comes up . . . and up . . . and up . . .

“Well,” Louis had said and gulped. “In that case, fuuuuuudge . . .”

The hand stopped. Louis almost growled in response.

And Harry . . . he . . .

Harry laughed.

~

Louis has no idea when and how it started, but things have gotten a wee bit different between Harry and him over the next couple of weeks. Suddenly, the touches are gentler, the whispers, sweeter. Once, Harry had kissed Louis. They never kiss. Louis knows it’s dangerous. He’s pretty sure Harry knows too, but even if he does, he never speaks about it, and in return, Louis never questions it. And that’s what makes this all wrong. Suddenly, Louis’ all confused about this whole shebang with Harry. And he shouldn’t be confused. This is only a friends-with-benefits thing. 

Right?

“Wrong,” Niall answers. He and Louis have been spending a lot of time ever since he drunkenly told him about his and Harry’s agreement. Suddenly, Niall becomes very interested on Louis’ love life, and Louis supposes since Niall’s the only person who knows about Harry, he starts opening up to him. (Still undetailed, of course.)

Louis groans and opens another bottle of beer. Louis is tipsy, he knows that, but he needs this. He needs to be drunk.

“Look, man. There’s no need to get your panties up in a twist, alright? It’s Henry who initiates all those things. Clearly it’s not a friends-with-benefits thing for him. And more clearly, it’s not a friends-with-benefits thing for you, too. Trust me, dude. I know these things. They call me FUBU King for a reason,” Niall says.

Louis wants to tell him that first, he’s wrong because Harry doesn’t like commitments. Second, Louis doesn’t like commitments either, so what he’s saying can’t possibly be correct, and third, his name is Harry because his mom was and still is in love with the actor who played Harry in Harry Met Sally. But then Louis’ too stressed to even blurt that all out, so he says, “What the frack does FUBU even mean?”

Niall shakes his head in disappointment. “Not the point, dude,” he says. “Why can’t you just admit to yourself that-”

“-Harry and I don’t love each other like that, so I don’t have to admit any-”

“-Whoa, wait. I never uttered the L-word, dude.” Louis stops talking and frown, and then realization hits, but even before he could react, Niall is speaking again. “Ohhh. Oh, okay. I get it.”

“No, no. It’s not like that! It’s-”

“You already said it yourself, Louis,” Niall says, his voice louder than normal. “Now that the cards are on the table, all you have to do is be brave enough to be a man and accept it.”

Louis doesn’t know what surprises him more, the fact that Niall called him by his name for the very first time or that what he just said was the most sensible thing Louis has ever heard from him.

“There are eight billion people in this whole damned world. Why him?” Louis groans.

“Because he’s excellent in bed. You told me yourself.” Louis frowns because what he asked is a rhetoric question. Still, Niall has a point. “This is pathetic,” Louis slurs. “I don’t even want commitments. Commitments are stupid. It’s overrated, and it’s too mainstream. You’ll be overloaded with emotions and you’ll feel this ridiculous thing called heart gets broken and bruised and it would just break and smash into a hundred little pieces if the person didn’t want you. It will make you theatrical and will prevent you from seeing any good in the world. You’ll get depressed and eventually die if you stopped taking your pills because your cat ate it and apparently it died too.”

Silence. 

“Am I turning into a stereotype gay?” Louis asks.

It was a rhetorical question, and Niall doesn’t answer. Louis’ eyes widen. “That was a joke, you dick! You were supposed to tell me no!” And then realization hits. “Oh my God. I am! I am turning into a stereotype gay!”

“A dramatic one too,” Niall supplies, but Louis ignores him.

Oh God. Harry, what have you done?

~

The next morning, Harry invites Louis for a coffee. Still half-drunk, he agrees. There is no word uttered on the way except for the casual morning greetings and a kiss or two. Louis should’ve have known something was wrong right then.

As they stand over the counter on Starbucks waiting for their coffee order, Harry speaks for the first time. He says, “Just so you know, I don’t date a dramatic, stereotype gay. It’s too stereotypically . . . stereotype.” It’s a joke, but it sounds genuinely meant.

Louis gives him a look. He was confused at first, but when it finally sinks in, he wishes he could bury himself alive right then and there in Starbucks. Immediately, the five fundamental questions run through his mind: what . . . when . . . where . . . how . . . who . . .

Who . . .

Louis’ pretty certain right then and there that he’s going to kill Niall.

Later, he learns that apparently, Niall did some ninja moves on him because he magically had Louis’ phone and had called Harry in the middle of drunkenly confessing his love for him. The twat.

Louis opens his mouth to explain, but then Harry stops him by saying, “But I think, for you? I’d reconsider.”

Louis’ not that smart, but he knows if someone’s confessing that they want to date him even if it’s indirect. Louis couldn’t see himself, but he knows that he looks dumb from gaping for so long. Harry only smiles at him, and after Louis overcomes his desire to bury himself, he smiles too. And then two things hit him fair and square.

He has a boyfriend, and Niall earns his FUBU King title, whatever it means.

~

Everything is perfectly well.

Harry cracks open Louis’ whole world in such terrifyingly and wonderful ways that he wonders how he’ll feel when this thing with him ends, because it has to; it seems too great to be real. So, Louis waits with the underlying fear of whatever will ultimately break them apart. 

One month and there’s nothing. All is perfect.

Two months and it couldn’t be any better. 

On the third month, Louis stops being silly and accepts the fact that he can have this. He can take this for the gift that it is. Louis can truly be happy.

Of course, life has other plans.

Everything is perfectly well. Until it isn’t.

On the fifth month that they started dating, something slipped. Literally. 

It is a picture that fell out of his wallet. An old, worn out but obviously taken care of picture. Louis doesn’t know how long he has been staring at the picture, but he felt it when Harry took it from his grasp and smiles sheepishly. “Hey, I didn’t think we’re in that stage yet, but apparently you’ve met the family.” It’s a joke, but one word only caught up with his brain:

Family? 

Suddenly, Louis feels tons of bricks falling down on him. He manages to open his mouth and asks, “Who . . . Harry? Who is that?”

Harry’s mouth opened in response, but Louis never heard it as he finds himself walking out the door. Louis hears Harry calling after him. He sounds confused, hurt, even. But Louis never looks back.

The thing is, it’s not like the movies. There is no happy ending, no swelling cinematic score. There are no declarations of love, no passionate endless kiss. It’s not even freaking raining. Instead, there’s the sound of footsteps on the pavement and a door slamming shut. There’s Louis getting in the cab and biting his bottom lip to keep it from trembling harder. 

There’s a question: “Where to?”

And a reply: “Anywhere. Just drive.”

And that’s that.

That’s the end. 

Well, you’ve been warned. This is not a love story.


End file.
